Showing posts with label humour. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humour. Show all posts

Saturday, September 24, 2011

15 seconds of fame

Recently whilst I was writing some essays which required me to do some deep introspection I remembered a really funny incident that happened during my school years.This happened in the 8th standard. My class had earned the tag of being the naughtiest in the school that year. One of the teachers - the history teacher -was particularly very angry with us because of our repeated misdeameanors and inattentiveness.  Therefore one day she declared that she's going to take a oral test of all the completed chapters in the next lecture and anybody who could not answer any question would be taken to the Principal's office. I was spooked. The head master was a scary man with a reputation for getting violent with disobedient students. So immediately after the class I started mugging up the answers which the teacher herself had dictated and which I had obediently copied down in my notebook.

I kept memorising and revising the answers throughout the week and next week as expected she walked in to the class her face like thunder. Then, she started calling out students asking them, even challenging them to answer one random question. 4 students had been called up and nobody could answer a particular question. Next she asked me to answer. I stood up and sincerely repeated the answer which was by then I think imprinted on my brain word for word.  The class was shocked. I was shocked. She was flabbergasted.

The reason behind this was my reputation for being shy and reticent in the class and not taking part in any class discussions. Finally, after few moments of pin-drop silence she commended me thinking - Oh this guy can talk! She however pardoned the others who could not answer with only a warning which made me feel really stupid. Apparently most of the others had not even taken the effort to read any of the answers as they knew she would not go through with her threat. But however I did get my 15 seconds of fame.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Just to say hello!



Marhaba..................................................................................................................[Arabic]
Es salaam aleikom .................................................................................................[Arabic again]
Namoskar................................................................................................................[Bengali]
Neilhou.....................................................................................................................[Chinese]
Halo..........................................................................................................................[Dutch]
Iiti.............................................................................................................................[Egyptian]
Hello ........................................................................................................................[English]
Hi..............................................................................................................................[English again]
Welcome..................................................................................................................[English again again]
Howdy/G'Day/Greetings.........................................................................................[(ok your guess)]
Bonjour ...................................................................................................................[French]
Hallo.........................................................................................................................[German]
Namaste ................................................................................................................ [Hindi]
Buon Giorno ...........................................................................................................[Italian]
Salam ......................................................................................................................[Kashmiri]
Namaskaaru ..........................................................................................................[Konkani]
Namaskaram..........................................................................................................[Malayalam/Telugu]
Sat sri akaal ...........................................................................................................[Punjabi]
Kem cho..................................................................................................................[Gujarati]
Namaskara.............................................................................................................[Kannada]
Ola...........................................................................................................................[Portugese]
Hola ........................................................................................................................[Spanish]
Vannakam..............................................................................................................[Tamil]
Suswagatam ..........................................................................................................[Sanskirit]
__/\__ ..................................................................................................................[Sign Language]
Salaam alekum .....................................................................................................[Urdu]
Dydd da..................................................................................................................[Welsh]
Sawubona...............................................................................................................[Zulu]

Some of the popularised ones:

Aye Muralilal, pehchana nahi?.............................................................................[Anand]
Wats up doc? ........................................................................................................[Bugs Bunny]
Kya hero!...............................................................................................................[Friend]
Kya zero!................................................................................................................[(close) Friend]
How you doing? ....................................................................................................[Joey Tribiani]
Hey ya....................................................................................................................[Karthik]
Hello, is it me your looking for?.............................................................................[Lionel Richie]
Wassaaaa............................................................................................................... [Umm ...Me!]
Salaam Namaste...................................................................................................[Nikhil Arora/Ambar Malhotra]
Hello main Raj, naam to suna hoga ......................................................................[Surinder Sahni]
Hi dear, want to do frandship plz?........................................................................[!]

And the award for the best hello:-

Woof woof .............................................................................................................[My Neighbour's dog]

Friday, September 17, 2010

Q.Make meaningful sentences using the following words

Hey!!!


Remember the time we fell in love ooooo ... excuse me Michael Jackson isnt the topic. Remember the time in school when we had to make sentences.Yes. Yaad aaya?

And I used to struggle to make those sentences especially if the word was difficult ...! Rata bhi marta tha kabhi kabhi :( . So well it happened to me ...dunno whether u were a scochy... why one I'll give you ten.Ok lets take this word I just came across - portentous. Well this is a tough one. No clue about its meaning . Lets c whether I can use it in a sentence.   

1.I don't know the meaning of the word portentous. ;)
2.(I was sleeping when)Madam explained the meaning of the word portentous in the classroom.
3.I need to ask somebody the meaning of the word portentous.
4.The word portentous contains 10 letters.
5.The word portentous contains 4 vowels.
6.The word portentous has 6 consonants.
7.I dont know why but she suddenly screamed,"Portentous."(thanks!) ;) ;)
8. Portentous is a difficult word. ;) ;) ;)
9.I forgot to study the meaning of the word portentous.

Aur last par not the least

10.Portentous is a word in the english language ;) ;) ;) ;)

Wish I was back in school :). There should have been marks for creativity as well in the exams!!

Friday, May 1, 2009

Mind your er.. language?!

Ok guys see the paradox in the following sentence:

"Mind your f###ing language."

I actually heard the above sentence on MTV Splitsvilla. Oh boy! Lets mind our own first ryt?...:D
anyways Mahatma Gandhi had once said, "Be the change u want to see in the world."...:D
Vaise MTV really ruling the roost these days with the reality shows...viz Roadies and Splitsvilla





The USP of both is pretty obvious ... bad language. Actually bad is an under statement...:D
Boy forget the guys using these gaalis ... look at the girls. HOly cr.. ok i wont go down tht line ...
But just see Palak from Roadies goin at it... my god
I mean I myself hadnt heard half the things she said ... teri maa ki ,ben kiii .....
well she was really innovative i ll giv u that :D.
And I must say she has really improved my vocab..:D
just joking ... yaar yeh sab toh bolne ko toh koi ladka bhi sharmayeega.. shit
And they say guys dont respect women...:D

Well I also think these guys are told to give as much gaalis as possible... coz boss thts wat sells!
I dont even blame MTV.. public ko yeh hi dekhna hai toh fir woh hi dikhao ... apna kya jara hai
And even look at actual Roadies show of this year.. wat crap! I mean itne saare twists n turns. Boss how can a person even except to win in such a format?? Totally upto Raghu really..kisiko bhi vapas lao .. kahi bhi letter daal do, "open at ur own risk!" Really kuch bhi chalu tha.. I felt the Roadies seasons of bfore were much better jab fixed format hota tha. Any ways, again i guess thts what sells... right people wud have by now gottten bored of the old fixd format. So boss change it add the twists and turns.Jo man mein aaye karo Raghu, the shows running well.
It just has to sell baby in this world .. it just has to sell

Moral of the story: Dont mind your language

Sunday, April 26, 2009

IPL:What a waste of time?!


Indian premier league 2 is upon us... and the public is buzzing with excitement.

Not me.. oh no. Not this time. Its nothing but big hype over big players who dont make big runs but do stuff big money into their pockets, basically a big waste of time. I wont watch even for a second.This is what I told myself at the start. But then wonder why my hand twitch
es to grab the TV remote every second night. Why do feel the urge to see some big hits by whomever who hits them? What is this invisible force which is tempting me, enticing me to jump on the couch and turn on SET MAX?Is this common? Or should I see the doc or sumthing? Basically I think I have become very undisciplined. But i dont blame myself, after spending the whole day in the office who wouldn't want to relax a bit?



Well coming back to IPL, this year toh its definitely gone overboard with the advertisements. I mean c'mon-
Strategic breaks of 7.5 minutes after 10 overs each. Boss, only strategy behind this is to attract even more sponsors with more advertisement time. As if there isn't enough ad time any ways.I mean compare cricket to football. Twenty 20 was supposed to be crickets answer to football's no timewasting, high entertainment in less time schedule advantage. But boy, Lalit Modi's got other ideas.
And did you notice the player names been removed from the players backs. Oh wait , its there but on the lower back. You dont have to be Einstein to realize that that is where the camera focuses on most of the times so .. why write some nonsense like players names.. Anyways the got ads everywhere shoulders,chests,bats,helmets. Probably they should do some face painting as well I mean c'mon why waste so much space.. sheesh!
So guys I definitely recommend you to watch IPL , oh I mean watch the new Indian Advertisement League(IAL) .. with some cricket in between!


Well to tell the truth, I watch the IPL only because of one man, Yusuf Pathan. What a player,if he hits them ... they stay hit all right. And of course there is also Virender Sehwag. Yup, these two rock yaar. Hmm, come to think of it , Gilchrist ain't bad either mate? What a cover drive he's got! These three are the reasons why IPL sells. You know, Chris Gayle hits them big too not to mention Hayden with the kind of form he is in! Yup its just bcoz of these 5, turn on the TV. Oh, how could I forget KP my favourite and oh my god Sachin - everybody's favourite. And last but not the least Yuvi ... his six sixes in the world cup are still fresh as a daisy in my mind. Yup, its these eight. So I will make a compromise. All I need to do is watch matches when these 8 are involved. No need to waste time watching the remaining bores. Now tell me whether that isn't the best plan anyone's ever come up with. Hmmm, so the only matches I will watch involves Rajasthan, Delhi, hmmm.. Hyderabad, KKR ,Chennai, Royal challengers,hmmm.. Mumbai I, and ...... OH MY GOD!